On Same Sex Marriage

In a recent post on Ben Myers’ superb Faith and Theology blog, Kim Fabricius continued his consistently thought-provoking ‘propositions’ series with ‘Ten propositions on marriage’. In the tenth of his propositions Kim claims:
Finally, if the heart of marriage is friendship, if marriage is for procreation in a gratuitous rather than an instrumental sense, as overflow rather than essence, then do we not open the way for the blessing of same-sex relationships? I think we do, though I think the term “marriage” is unhelpful.
He concludes:
The point is this: if Luke Timothy Johnson is right to suggest that “If sexual virtue and vice are defined covenantally rather than biologically, then it is possible to place homosexual and heterosexual activity in the same context,” it is also possible to see same-sex relationships, blessed by the church, as an analogue of the relationship between God and his people, and a model of the church’s own proper economy of grace. In short, nihil obstat.
It seems to me that Kim’s position as outlined in this post in general leans too far in the direction of a definition of marriage in terms of ‘close personal relationship’. Within such a definition (in which gender and other things are treated as largely irrelevant), a strong analogy between committed same-sex relationships and marriage seems natural.
Putting the question of whether the church should bless committed same-sex relationships or not to one side (the purpose of this post is not that of questioning the legitimacy of homosexual bonding in general), I think that this supposed analogy needs to be examined more closely.
Kim speaks of procreation’s relationship to marriage as ‘gratuitous’ rather than ‘instrumental’, as ‘overflow rather than essence’. There is a sense in which this is profoundly true. However, I think that the ‘gratuitous’ character of marriage, most fully expressed in procreation—but by no means limited to it—is worthy of more attention. Is it not the ‘gratuitous’ character of marriage that marks it out as an especially blessed—and ‘graced’—relationship? Sometimes gratuitous overflow is ‘of the essence’. The fact that this peculiar grace of procreation belonging to marriage has not been given to homosexual relationships, is surely something that we should reflect upon before we think about any close identification between the two (which would have the effect of minimizing the significance of the gift of procreation relative to the institution of marriage).
The relationship between marriage and children and marriage and society is also related to this larger question of the ‘overflow’ of marriage. Society’s historical privileging of marriage and the Church’s conviction that marriage is peculiarly blessed have had far more than marriage’s creation (or recognition) of a close personal relationship in view. It is the manner in which marriage forms the bonds of society that has the greatest significance here. Marriage unites different families; it unites the sexes; it unites generations.
The public character of the marriage ceremony testifies to the fact that marriage is a deeply political institution, a profoundly personal bond designed to ‘overflow’ in a manner than forms and helps to sustain a larger society (this is one of the key reasons why ‘pre-ceremonial sex’—to use Kim’s expression—really is a problem). In our society marriage is increasingly understood in terms of personal fulfillment; the renunciation that is central to marriage has been lost sight of. The self-denial involved in marriage—the self-denial that leads to its overflowing character and to the peculiar joys that are appropriate to this act of renunciation—has been replaced with the identification of marriage with gratification. Privatized understandings of marriage downplay the importance of the ‘overflowing’ character of the relationship, defining the relationship almost wholly in terms of the needs and desires of the immediate partners in the relationship.
Marriage should involve a progressive turning away from the concerns of one generation to the concerns of the next. It begins with the man leaving his father and mother and leads to the husband and wife committing themselves as father and mother to the task of raising a new generation. This has certainly been central to traditional Christian understandings of marriage and has been one of the primary reasons why society has valued marriage so highly. Marriage is there, in large part, for the service of children. The manner in which marriage is designed to serve the next generation is one of the main reasons why it has traditionally been regarded as important that this bond be lifelong and exclusive. When marriage becomes defined primarily in terms of the needs and desires of the husband and wife, divorce and infidelity will cease to be the issues that they were in early understandings of the nature of the union.
Since marriage is an essential glue of society, I believe that we must be incredibly careful before we even think of changing our definition of it. Since we cannot separate our definition of marriage from our definition of family, the needs of children should be one of our highest concerns here. Would allowing same-sex ‘marriages’ compromise the rights of children (in the ordinary course of affairs) to know and be raised by their biological parents? Do we want to encourage the widespread use of reproductive technologies? Do we really believe that it is indifferent to the welfare of children whether they are raised by a mother and a father or by two ‘fathers’ or two ‘mothers’ (at least one of which will not be biologically related to the child)? Does a view of marriage that downplays the significance of its permanently binding character (and its exclusivity, for that matter)—as the close personal relationship model does—really provide the resources for us to create stable families for the raising of children?
One of the things that Kim’s post testifies to is the decay of the idea of marriage as an ‘institution’. Marriage is only an ‘institution’ when it establishes permanence (across generations in the preservation of the institution, and in marital relationships themselves), transcends merely individual lives and purposes and imposes an order upon our actions and relationships. Marriage as an institution is devalued when we start to view cohabitation as merely ‘pre-ceremonial sex’.
As a single guy in my mid-twenties, I have many friends who are cohabiting. Though some of these relationships do possess a very clear sense of commitment, it seems clear to me that the ‘commitment’ in such relationships is not to be confused with the sort of commitment that marriage entails. What most of my friends are not prepared to give at the moment is commitment to any ‘institution’ of marriage, or, at least, they regard their sexual relationships as something that can happily exist without the sort of constraints and formation provided by such a public institution. The commitment involved in marriage is a commitment before God and society and to the institution of marriage. Cohabiting couples lack both dimensions of this important commitment.
Marriage is a shared societal project, which brings the generations together. Marriage is not only forward-looking, but places the relationship of the new husband and wife in the historical context of the succession of generations. Cohabitation and same sex relationships both fail to match up to the institution of marriage on this front. Cohabitation fails to commit itself to this intergenerational project and lacks the dimension of vocation that this project provides. It does not properly submit itself to guidance and oversight of past generations and it does not provide a stable setting for the growth of future generations.
Same sex relationships can at best be only parasitic on the natural form of the succession of relationships provided by the integration of the institutional and biological forms for procreation in marriage.
Marriage is also the key institution in which the sexes are brought together. In a society where men and women increasingly act as if they don’t need each other, are we to treat the institution of marriage so carelessly? Are the sexes of the partners really so indifferent to the institution of marriage that men could form a perfectly good marriage without the involvement of women, or vice versa? Are women and men so dispensable for each other, in the very institution which provides a primary context for their being created for each other?
We can press this line further: Do children really need fathers? Do children really need mothers? Do we believe that fathers and mothers are interchangeable? In a society where so many fathers fail to play a role in the raising of their children are we to say that they are unnecessary for the well-being of their children and play no essential role with a modern understanding of the family? What message does this send to single young men like me about the importance of our role in society?
The de-institutionalization of marriage is merely the flipside of a definition of marriage primarily in terms of close personal relationships. Once marriage has been defined in such terms, there is considerably less reason to bother with it, either for society or the married partners. In such circumstances, the admission of same sex marriage is largely a symbolic gesture, affirming the equality of such relationships with heterosexual ones in general. Once it has been granted, it could be argued that there are many good reasons why one should no longer want to bother with it at all.
Much as I admire Kim’s obvious theological acumen, I find the position put forward in his post dangerous and irresponsible in various respects. Kim seems to pay little attention to the possible consequences of such a redefining of marriage, for children, for the relationship between the generations and the relationship between the sexes. The cultural fallout from such approaches has the potential to damage millions of lives, as it compromises the glue of family that is fundamental to many dimensions of our society’s unity.
Church leaders are uniquely positioned to shape and protect the institution of marriage and family in an age when it is under threat. Pastors and priests are active in the key rites of passage, they represent larger communities in which families can be supported, they provide spiritual guidance over long periods of time, have a greater and more intimate access to families than almost any others outside of the families themselves, present people with the ideals to which their relationships should aspire (both in their teaching and through their personal examples), and through their teaching play a crucial role in forming the ways that their congregations regard and order their personal relationships. Consequently, when Church leaders start to waver on the definitions of marriage and family in such a manner, we really have cause for concern.


As someone who gave up studying physics and chemistry more or less as soon as he had the opportunity and devoted little effort to excelling in them when he did study them, Wright finds it odd to find himself in the position of being looked upon to provide an answer to such a question. The question itself is strange: it reminds him of the person who, when asked if he believed in infant baptism, responded in the affirmative, assuring the questioner that he had seen it happen with his own eyes. There are scientists who do believe in the resurrection. In answering the question, Wright wants to explore the fault lines between different ways of knowing, between the forms of knowing advanced by science and by history, and the way of knowing that belongs to faith, hope, and love. These ways of knowing overlap in various ways.




I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last night. What a superb book! The dénouement was everything that I could have hoped for and more, wrapping up the whole series beautifully. It becomes apparent that Rowling had this ending clearly in her sights from the very start of the first book. Also, if there are any doubts in anyone’s mind that Rowling self-consciously writes as a Christian, this book should answer them. I can’t wait until the Christian Harry Potter experts start to comment on this book. If you have not yet read the book, go and do so right away! If you have, add 